Roctober is Over and On to November . . . .

I had a great Halloween. I dressed as a fallen angel. I’ll save the flapper costume for next year. Actually it wasn’t even a costume but more or less a little black dress and some accessories I bought: cigarette holder, Boa from the Dollar Store, and beads. I think it’s important to have an assortment of costumes on hand — just in case!

I’m continuing to work on my Purity of Heart series as well as the Anatomy Angels. I’m also starting another round of Art-O-Mats. Apparently the ole machine at the Culture Center if empty of Patricia Biesen originals. I had a *deep thought* on the train today. My artwork has certainly at many times saved my life. I think even when I view art I think is complete and utter shit, I have to think perhaps this work is someone’s lifeline.

On a completely different note, I finished up my 30-days of just doing T-Tapp sans the gym. I have mixed feelings. My arms are smaller but my thighs increased. My butt looks curvier like a real girl. But I have to say hormonally and well-being wise I feel pretty good so it's doing something beneficial. I think I will incorporate T-Tapp with Pilates, do some weight training and cardio. As usual I get all swept up in testimonials and think something is going to change my life. I think my attitude is to just do what I can and what I really enjoy doing. I have never ever had a day in my life where I thought “Wow I have a great body!” Certainly I am slim and thankful to be healthy with two arms and two legs but there is always something getting in the way. A scar here, a bulge there. I think somewhere in my sub-conscious is this idea that if I have a perfect body I will find the perfect love and every area of my life will fall into place. I think as we get older our lives become more centered on experiences vs. goals like having an 18” waist.

Next month is my birthday. I will probably eat out with a friend or two and do some birthday rituals like bringing in treats for my co-workers and reading my horoscope. Certainly, I am no where near where I want to be. I’m a single woman living in an apartment with no boyfriend, a day job and on-again-off again art career. Society would tell me to off myself and believe me there are moments when I have considered it. I think the simple curiosity of “how am I gonna turn out?” keeps me going. Actually everything is cyclical; this is a fact that drives the OCD part of my brain crazy. I want “happily ever after” and to file certain parts of my life away for good. I wonder. Am I going to write that book? Am I going to meet Mr. Right in the produce department of Whole Foods? Will I stay in Chicago or move somewhere else? It didn’t happen at age 35 but it is entirely possible that it could happen at age 36.

Halloween is coming!

Ever year I think no I’m not gonna dress up. Nope, I’m going to save money and be an adult. Of course I always dress up. My inner gay man must make an appearance. This year I may do the generic dark or fallen angel look. Dig out my Kevin Aucoin makeup books and paint on some really dark eyes and buy some fab black angel wings. Or I may go as a flapper since I have a bob and my body type (as I have been told) is perfect for being a flapper. I think that look is kinda un-sexy but my good friend Jen Zias relented that the era of the flapper was about freedom. The women took cut their long hair and took off their corsets. I guess they were sort of like glamorous, rich hippies. I can raise my glass to that.

My very first Halloween I dressed as a clown in appropriate Halloween colors, orange and black. I was probably one years old. My best costumre ever was the year I rented the Scarlet O’Hara curtain dress (minus the rod a la Carol Burnett) from Fantasy Headquarters, which is this amazing store here in Chi-town that is the size of a football field and has all things Halloween and Holidays. I’ve also been Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. I have been a gypsy, a fairy, Peter Pan, Vampira, a Mermaid, Theda Bara, a 50’s style nurse, a Geisha where I cleverly wrapped my hair around old toilet paper rolls to create that traditional Geisha updo. In the third grade I was one of the Sand Creatures from Star Wars where my Mom actually rigged glow eyes from Radio Shack. Last year I was crushed when my Kill Bill costume got lost in the mail.

Notice how I almost always want to be someone pretty or exotic! It takes a real woman to wear a fright wig and warts. I suppose I have a few more Halloween costumes in me. I wouldn’t mind going back to Fantasy Headquarters and renting the Audrey Hepburn My Fair Lady dress. I'd even be happy with the more simple Breakfast at Tiffany’s ensemble. Cleopatra would be amazing too as would Wonder Woman or Cat Woman. I never got to be Snow White, I'm a bit old for that now. Medusa could be fun (but a pretty Medusa!). Or I could go as Carrie Bradshaw, get the blonde streaked wig, big flower, Carrie necklace, some hot pants (depending on weather)
a martini glass and a great bag. What a great excuse to buy shoes and bags!

Now that I’m a red head my options are fewer but then again there are always wigs. Then again didn’t Bat Girl have red hair? You know I take my part very serious—method acting serious. When I went as Dorothy I must of watched the Wizard of Oz a dozen times. I had to have the perfect costume down to the light blue socks—notice the socks are not really white but a very pale blue.

I have seen some great costumes in my 35 years. The cutest little kid costume was a three year old dressed as Shrek. I love those Shrek ears. The best gay male costume I can remember is a guy in the 80’s who went as Peg Bundy but he didn’t want to shave his beard so he was a bearded Peg Bundy. He carried a fake cigarette that had a battery operated light. His wig and red-sequined dress were fabulous and his attitude . . . even more fabulous.

It would be fun to be a sexier alter ego like Marilyn Monroe. I would need a lot of padding. A lot!