So I’ve been around the sun 36X

November 13 was my birthday. Mondays are kind of funny birthdays not as sexy as a Friday night birthday, then again less social stigma if you don’t do something really BIG. Actually, I almost forgot my own birthday. I got some great gifts and had a lovely birthday with my friend Gianine. We went to Karyn’s Cooked restaurant in River North. I had one of my favorite meals, the savory veggie wrap and coconut cream pie for dessert. We also consumed many glasses of red wine! My favorite waiter was there and got the whole place to sing Happy Birthday to me. I felt very special. Once in a while it’s nice to get a little attention. Gianine and I have really interesting luck when it comes to cabs and getting rides home. The last night we were out some cops happened to give us a ride home. They saw us waiting for a cab while they were on their beat. I think it was Gianine who asked them if there were cabs in the area and then were just like well we will give you a ride home. Seriously, I did not get arrested. On my birthday we were *entertained* by a guy who calls himself the Singing Cab Driver. It never ends!

We also managed to hit the pub across the street. I’m not a big partier but I do have a soft spot in my heart for the classic Irish pub. I had some coffee and water in between rounds. Then we headed to the Daily Grill in my neighborhood for more merriment and conversation. The jukebox was playing some great early-mid 90’s tuneage. Our conversations are often about dating. After the holidays, I will probably get back in the game again and try match.com or maybe e-harmony. I have this false idea that I’m just plain too different or not different enough to find true love. I’m not ultra conservative like most of the folks in my day-job work environment yet I’m not out sun-gazing with the raw foodies. I’m in the middle. I make organic food dishes wearing a vintage apron and a Kiss concert shirt, that about sums me up. So anyway to make a short story extremely long, I just want to live a more authentic life and care less about what people think of me. This goal applies to friendships. I think sometimes I lose out on the beauty of a new friendship because it’s not perfect. There are very few people who are interested in every single thing I’m into but I have pockets of friends—one group who is into raw foods, the church group, rock n’ roll friends, co-workers, girlfriends who know my more intimate scoop, artists, etc. I read a great comment from a woman on the Eat to Live message board who was comparing dating and meeting people to buying clothes. While she was in the process of losing weight she was hesitant to buy new clothes but desperately needed them. She wasn’t pleased with the selection but then she thought is this item better than what I have now? “Is this better than what I have now?” is a great question to ask myself in a lot of areas of my life.

A few weeks ago I attended a seminar at Yoga Now held by Judith Wright who wrote the Soft Addiction Solution. Soft addictions are basically things you do to avoid having a better more authentic life. My soft addictions would be TV, surfing the net, eating when I’m not hungry and your basic procrastination. I believe I have these because I’m avoiding making my art. This weekend I’m going to a big three day workshop. It’s kinda like a bootcamp. Already I have been so much more mindful about my TV watching. I have had much more time and my apartment looks so much nicer. I have a good feeling about this. I love spiritual books and self-help programs but there is a part of me that fears becoming a complete convert, I just don’t want to end up jumping down on a couch like Tom Cruise.

I’ve really realized how my soft addictions are getting in the way of my art and career goals as well as having more real relationships with people. You can also be addicted to emotions or moods. I think I’m addicted to being agreeable as well as self pity. I don’t want to spend a third of my life watching TV. I want to be more awake in my life. That’s the plan for 2007. I’m already on to my New Year’s Resolutions! Speaking of the holidays I’m making a vow not to get stressed. This fall I will have attended three Thanksgivings, two raw vegan events and one with the family on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I know it is so easy to bypass Thanksgiving with all the early X-mas shit but it’s important for us Americans to put down our wallets and forks for two friggin seconds and think about what we are thankful for. Ok so here’s my list:

- I’m thankful for friends and family and having better more real relationships
- I’m thankful for the fact that the Democrats are in the house
- I’m thankful that my visa bill is less now than it was at the beginning of the year
- I’m thankful that I still have affordable housing, speaking of which I’m thankful I stopped driving myself crazy with thinking about moving. Now I just live my life.
- I’m thankful that I have great benefits and a pantry of good food
- I’m thankful for all the rock shows I’ve seen this year, especially the Lovehammers
- I’m thankful that I have taken a lot of time this year to enjoy the seasons, culture and nature. Even though it may take me away from the studio it has enhance my eye for beauty
-I’m thankful that my health has improved and that I’m more energetic
- After years of reading every diet book I’m thankful that I finally found raw foods and have had such fun preparing whole foods. I have met some great people at potlucks too.-I’m thank for all the lessons I have learned and hope they stay “learned